At the beginning of this year my mom shared a word she felt for Wianco and me for 2024: Fearless trust

Looking back, she shared it just one week before I fell pregnant. I remember journaling about it, writing about areas where I asked the Lord to strip me of any fear, to do a deep work in my heart. I had no idea then that I would soon be facing one of the most vulnerable, faith-stretching journeys. of my life.

Pregnancy and childbirth come with so much uncertainty. There were countless moments when fear tried to creep in. will my baby be okay, will I be able to birth this child? Who can I trust as a provider? Can my body do this? Each time I realised I had a choice. I could choose fear or I could choose faith. I knew that whatever I chose wouldn’t necessarily change the outcome, but it would change my peace. With every moment of uncertainty, God met me in my small, often shaky steps toward faith.

My water broke on Sunday September 29^th at 4am and around 5am contractions had started. We stayed home and I took my time showering, having some tea and rusks and just easing into the process, feeling the contractions get stronger but still manageable. By 8:30 we headed to the birthing home and when we arrived just after 9, I was 3cm dilated. By around 11:30 things began to intensify so much I had to keep moving through the contractions. My midwife filled the pool and I could feel the contractions coming on stronger and stronger. In those moments I reminded myself to focus on Jesus, to breath through each surge rather than fighting against it. (Wianco helped me so much with this as well 😊 Jys die beste)

I noticed the pain felt more intense when I resisted, but when I surrendered, embraced the wave, and fixed my eyes on Him, it felt more peaceful and manageable. It was one of the most intense experiences of my life, but God’s presence was so tangible. He kept me even if I felt I couldn’t keep going. He’s word and He’s presence kept me. I truly thought I still had hours left because the breaks between contractions felt so long. But they were actually just one minute apart. God knew I needed those precious moments of rest. The transition phase was the hardest part for me as the intensity picked up so quickly. Pushing, surprisingly, felt like a relief!  I did tear though because I was so eager to finally meet my baby that I pushed before the next contraction came. Tearing actually had been one of my fears, but I’d surrendered it to the Lord just days before, during a weekend in Bloubergstrand, and He was with me even in that. Caleb was born at 1:03pm.

When I looked at Caleb for the first time, my heart overflowed with emotions. As oxytocin rushed through me, I was overwhelmed with the love for this precious boy I had labored to bring into this world. In that moment god gently reminded me of Jesus ‘own labour for us – how, when He died, the veil was torn so we could enter the holy of holies. If Jesus endured that for us, how small is my own sacrifice to bring new life into the world.

My testimony isn’t that my birth was completely pain free, but that it was fear-free. It was a birth filled with faith, wrapped in God’s presence in every intense and beautiful moment. this journey has been one of surrender and fearless trust, and I am so grateful for the way He has walked with me through it all. All glory to Him! Birth is messy. I was vocal, there was blood in the water from tearing. I sweated a lot and probably pooped a little somewhere in-between. We shouldn’t be afraid to look at it for what it is, and still call it beautiful. I don’t want to sell it as this cutesy event where everything is nice and clean. Its raw and emotional. En jy kom anders uit aan die ander kant! Maar dis glorious en 100% die moeite werd!